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These days (1853), New York is expensive, man. I bought some oyster crackers the other day? TWELVE CENTS A POUND. You’re paying money to get to work (those horses aren’t going to feed themselves), and if you’re lucky you’re bringing home two bucks a day. 

So even though you’re already working ten hours every day, you might be considering a side hustle. You could take a second job working the night shift or driving a hack or taking in laundry or something. 

Or you could get a little exercise and make some fast cash. 

If you’re interested, read on. I know a way you can earn some extra cabbage virtually any night you please. It’s flexible, it’s reliable, and you can get some fresh air while doing it.

The answer, my friend, is body snatching. 

Starting Your Body Snatching Business

Grave robbery is not exactly passive income. You will be doing a lot of physical work. But with very little investment (little more than the cost of a shovel and sundries), you can be on your way to a lucrative side career. 

I know, you’re wondering what kind of unsavory characters you’ll be dealing with. You’re thinking to yourself, “What kind of creep would pay for a dead body? Will my clientele be candlemakers and perverts?” Allow me to disappoint you: You will be dealing with medical schools. 

Human anatomy is the most important part of a doctor’s training. Medical students find books and museums helpful, but there is no substitute for seeing the organs in situ. Until they have their first surgical patient and can really get in there, watching dissections is the best way to learn. 

Currently, only executed criminals can legally be used for dissections. And there are simply not enough bad guys to go around. 

Virtually every medical school these days works with body snatchers. (If you’re having business cards made up, you might prefer the term “Resurrection Man.”) Starting your small business is as simple as discreetly introducing yourself to an Anatomy professor. They are likely to purchase as many fresh cadavers as you can supply.

Disturbing a grave and stealing a body is illegal. Arrest is an occupational hazard. But if this happens, simply get word to the Anatomy professor. Someone from the medical school will soon bail you out. That’s how valuable you will be.

What You’ll Need

TOOLS

Besides the obvious — a shovel — you will also need:

• an ax
• a lantern
• a large hook (optional, but advised)
• a rope

TRANSPORTATION

If you do not have a cart or carriage of your own, you should borrow or rent one. 

You may be tempted to cut corners and use public transportation. DON’T. Cabs and streetcars are not helpful here. First of all, you will be doing your work at night, so a reliable ride will be hard to find. Second of all, once the cadaver is in your possession, you will need to be subtle. 

Think about it from the perspective of a seasoned hack driver. Do you expect him to believe you need a ride home from the graveyard with a steamer trunk? Or an extremely drunk buddy? And a shovel?

It is best to have transportation of your own. 

CONNECTIONS

You will need a connection to a medical school. The Anatomy Professor is likely to be very eager to go into business with you. (But be prepared to bargain.) 

Depending on the type of graveyard you plan to frequent, you may also need to partner with someone there. Even if there is no nighttime security, you will probably need to pay a graveyard attendant to look the other way. Do not agree to a monthly fee — pay him by the body. That way, he will be encouraged to notify you of new burials. 

How to Steal a Body

Now for the rolling-up-your-sleeves part. 

1 Head to a graveyard. A quiet one.

Is there an asylum in your town? If so, the cemetery there is unlikely to be guarded, the coffins will be cheaply made, and the graves will not be very deep. Work smarter, not harder.

If this is not an option, choose a cemetery in a poor neighborhood. Consider the loved ones of the cadaver you’re about to dig up. They are sure to kick up a fuss if they discover the grave has been disturbed. Will the police or the press listen to them? To be safe, it is traditional in this line of work to stay away from the bodies of the wealthy — in fact, avoid white cadavers altogether. Unless they were immigrants. 

2 When you arrive at the cemetery, look for a freshly-dug grave. Determine where the headstone will go, and begin digging at that end. It is a fool’s game to dig up the entire coffin. Just uncover the top half. 

TIP: Bring along a large piece of canvas. As you remove soil, drop it on the canvas. That way, when it is time to put the dirt back, all you have to do is lift the canvas and allow it to pour into the grave. 

3 When the top half of the coffin is revealed, chop it open. DO NOT BE OVERZEALOUS WITH THE AX. You do not want to hit the cadaver within. 

4 If you have the large fishhook, you can remove the body from the coffin that way. Otherwise for the next step you will have to lean into the coffin, which may involve more contact with the corpse than you would like. 

5 Tie the rope beneath the cadaver’s arms. Climb out of the grave, and pull out the cadaver, causing as little damage as possible.

You may leave the clothes behind, if you wish — medical schools will disrobe them anyhow. But if the idea makes you uncomfortable, you may transport them clothed.

6 Dump the soil back into the grave. Pack up the cadaver and your tools, leaving as little trace of your activities as possible, and head to the medical school.

TIP: Yes, digging up a grave is hard work. But do not be tempted by burking!

In the 1820s William Burke, along with his associate William Hare, sold bodies to an anatomy professor at the Royal College of Surgeons of Edinburgh. They had an efficient business model — they produced their merchandise through murder. When medical students began recognizing the cadavers, their side hustle ended. Hare testified against him, and Burke was hanged for his crimes. Not only is he memorialized as a verb (again – no burking!), but his skeleton stands on display in a medical school. It was part of the sentence handed down by the judge. 

Challenges Body Snatchers Face

WINTER 

As you have no doubt noticed, the ground freezes from November through March. Your opportunities will slow down, if not stop completely, for several months. But if you are persistent and your muscles are willing, you may be able to procure the occasional winter cadaver. When dealing with medical school staff, it would be a shrewd business move for you to use this scarcity to your advantage.  

COMPETITION 

While medical schools are in near-constant need of dissection cadavers, you will not be the only grave robber in town. Some schools incentivize their janitorial staff. Sometimes, future doctors dig up their own subject matter. 

And the railroads provide your faraway competition with an opportunity. The ground rarely freezes in Baltimore. There is practically a city-wide industry each winter shipping cadavers to medical schools in the Northeast and Midwest. The Baltimore grave robbers simply fold the bodies like jackknives and place them in barrels. They fill the barrels with whiskey to hide the scent of decomposition. It is very easy to ship a barrel to a college. (Plus, after the cadaver is removed: whiskey!) Again, this is an opportunity for you: Provide your clientele with fresher, unmarinated, material.

THE BONE BILL 

This proposed bill, which was created by John William Draper of the New York University School of Medicine, states that “all vagrants dying, unclaimed, and without friends, are to be given to the institutions in which medicine and surgery are taught for dissection.” You will note that he is speaking of giving away YOUR MERCHANDISE. 

If this bill passes, it will not put you out of business, but it will cut into your action. The Bone Bill (officially, “An Act to Promote Medical Science and Protect Burial Grounds”) is not a done deal. It is likely to pass, however; the only people opposed to it are the poor. 

Your Bright Future Stealing Bodies

This completes your body snatching education. Congratulations! Oh, the places you’ll body snatch.

Doctors are always going to have to learn. Despite New York’s best efforts to kill the small businessman, grave robbing has a great future. As a side hustle, it is lucrative, flexible, and rewarding. If you are a go-getter, body snatching will keep you in oyster crackers for years to come.